Sharing a story a day.

Since the whole reason behind this blog is to share experiences that other women may be able to relate to, I'm going to start. As I have said before, when I realized what was happening, I could not find validation. I felt crazy due to the abuse and like my thoughts might be all lies like he said they were. If one story resonates with one person, that will be worth it.

I've started to pull together the countless emails, recorded and text conversations. The stories are all there. They're unbelievable. If you were to tell me about four years ago that my life would turn into constant verbal battering, I wouldn't have believed you at all. I was too tough for that.

Before I start posting individual stories, please consider that this is difficult. I am battling PTSD right now. I lost insurance when I left, so I'm dealing with it on my own. I have flashbacks and nightmares. I constantly think I've made somebody angry and become filled with anxiety. If I don't hear from a friend for a day, I tend to think that I must have done something wrong. I search through text messages and my memory to figure out what I said or did to upset them. I apologize for it when they call. They never understand why I'm apologizing, because I'm embarrassed to tell them about the anxiety over their imagined anger.

I am very fortunate to have a wonderful support system. I can call my friends at any time and they will either come over or talk on the phone with me until the smoke clears. I have parents that understand what I'm going through and that are thrilled that I am out. I literally would not have left his house if it had not been for my friends and family. They could have saved my life.

Don't take what I've just said the wrong way. Yes, at times, I am suffering. I can say with complete honesty that through the suffering, I am happier than I ever was with him. I still have to see him because of our daughter. I do breathing exercises before he comes so that the anxiety isn't too great. I am happy. I am not being abused. I don't have to be ever again.

I admire every woman that leaves and every woman that stays. Hold your chin up, put your shoulders back, and do what you can. You are worth it.